Many women first recognize the mother wound they carry by seeing the adaptive patterns that permeate their adult lives. (Adaptive means a pattern that we learned in response to what surrounded us.) They were very intelligent ways of staying connected and safe by preserving our attachment to our caregivers.
I call the mother wound the mother ache because beneath the wound lives a longing to heal and feel cherished and to also feel protected by the maternal.
This is a longing we all share: to return to our inherent wholeness and that seemingly elusive but so important deep inner connection with ourselves, and an outer connection with others and this beautiful planet we call home.
All mothers are imperfect. It could not be otherwise. We are all human. Some mothers caused real harm and most could not offer their daughters all of what they needed.
Circling back to the patterns, perhaps we look outside of ourselves for answers about who we are and our lives. We become highly attuned to everyone else’s moods and needs and struggle to name our own, even internally.
These patterns create inner stagnation because we are disconnected from our bodies and our inner knowing as we continue responding to an old world that no longer exists.
When we listen to what these adaptations have been protecting, we begin to recover the parts of ourselves we left behind. The parts that know we are lovable, capable and whole.
This has been a large part of my journey home to me and it is an invitation to you, dear friend. The central invitation of The Mother Ache is to meet these patterns within us with curiosity, honor their intelligence, and work experientially to heal so that we can restore our capacity for self-trust.