Why Did You Choose This Mother?
Healing the Mother Ache is a soul contract that we are entrusted with when we enter this life. It’s part of our karma and if we take it on it can inform and illuminate our dharma. (karma being what we are here to heal and learn and dharma being our true purpose here now).
The question “why did you choose this mother?” is a koan (Zen unanswerable question used to explore who we are). This unanswerable question is a good way to explore and understand what we have received in terms of our own inner beings because of our mothers. Our strength, our resilience, our ability to love, our interests and talents, all are informed by this first primal relationship. Our ability to connect and feel whole comes from this first most precious bond and the inner work that we do to heal whatever was missing.
We all have an innate sense of longing to experience unconditional love from our mothers, but the truth is mothers can only love us to the degree that they are able to love themselves; accept our unique beings to the degree that they practice self-acceptance; and encourage fearlessness only to the degree that they feel safe and are courageous. When our mothers fall short, we develop core beliefs such as I’m not good enough, I’m not worthy of love, I’m not capable, it’s not safe, which then influence, inform and wreak havoc on our lives. The Mother Ache leaves deep imprints on our psyche and sense of self. Unraveling the layers of this emotional labyrinth requires courage, vulnerability, and an unwavering commitment to healing. The presence of a therapist or healer is often not only very supportive and healing in and of itself, but it sometimes is also necessary to support and hold space for this most sacred process.
Acknowledging the Mother Ache is a pivotal step towards reclaiming our narrative and nurturing profound self-compassion. It's about confronting the buried pain, rewriting our stories, and embracing our inherent worth. Our healing is not reliant on our mother’s acknowledging our pain or experience. This journey not only helps us ins healing our relationship with our mothers —it's about reclaiming our authenticity and fostering a deep sense of self-love. It's about dismantling the conditionings that subconsciously rule our lives and stepping into self-acceptance and self-love.
Ready to begin this journey? Why did you choose this mother? Play with this koan and see what comes up for you. Journaling is a great way to explore as is asking and then answering yourself out loud. Try journaling with your opposite hand using big markers and a sketch pad. Let the question bring an awareness to you that you are responsible. Taking responsibility for your life is the first step to healing and releasing what doesn’t serve. Give it a try!
Healing the unwritten maternal story that is a part of our ancestral lineage is a unique journey home to self - and I would be honored to be your sacred steward and help you understand and alchemize into healing and wholeness. I offer a 90-minute initial exploration session. Reach out now.
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