Mother May I
Healing our mother ache is a mysterious process that is complicated by the fact that most of us long to love our mothers unconditionally and ache to receive and experience their unconditional love in return. From an early age, we have been conditioned to accept them as being “right” and acting in our “best interests.” We are conditioned to be grateful to our mothers and are trained from an early age to adhere to their expectations. in fact, when we were very young, questioning our mother’s will would have been dangerous to our very survival because we needed her to provide for our basic needs. This conditioning is ingrained in us and handed down through our maternal lineages over the millennia.
Over the many years that I've worked with women, time and time again the mother ache is a central theme that comes up in sessions. I'm always surprised at how powerful the internalized voice/imprint of the mother is within the remarkable grown women I sit with. Whether it's someone exploring why they're afraid to ask for help during a divorce, someone trying to figure out why they have trouble sleeping at night, someone trying to understand why they feel stuck in a job they don’t like, the mother ache becomes a thread that needs attention and care – a basket to be mended — and the core beliefs that hold these women back often are created in part by the mother-daughter narrative, which by the way starts in the womb and continues beyond death.
Many of us had very difficult relationships with our mothers. However, even a well-meaning “healthy” mother can have an adverse impact that carries forward into the adult daughter’s life. For instance, the woman struggling to sleep mentioned above, through Compassionate Inquiry sessions with me, came to understand that her much-loved mother had been a very fearful new mom who often woke her up as an infant when she was sleeping, to make sure she was still breathing. An inability to sleep has plagued this otherwise healthy and thriving young woman her entire life – and well – no wonder!
It's important to understand that seeking to heal the mother ache is not a criticism of the mother but rather a longing to break free from the maternal conditionings and fears that our mother lived with that were instilled in her by her mother and through the generations. If you're curious about whether the mother ache is impacting your ability to thrive, change things up and or be creative, ask yourself what is holding you back and see which voices you hear internally— where did these voices come from and are they true in this instance. Another playful exercise is to ask yourself mother may I when thinking about something to do that's out of your ordinary routine and see what comes up in response. What would your mother say….
Healing the unwritten maternal story that is a part of our ancestral lineage is a unique journey home to self - and I would be honored to be your sacred steward and help you understand and alchemize into healing and wholeness. I offer a 90-minute initial exploration session. Reach out now.
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